Parent judgment runs rampant I swear. When I was pregnant I got loads of "you need to do _______" and "You should be doing ______". Now with Finn here it's this and LOADS of judgment about any and every little thing we do or do not do.
"You're vegan?! That can't be good for him or you breastfeeding"
"You're not going to make him be vegan too are you?"
"You should use formula to supplement"
"You should co-sleep"
"You should not co-sleep and he should be on a sleep schedule"
"You need to use lanolin"
"You should vaccinate as the Pediatrics society schedule exactly"
"You should vaccinate on an alternative schedule to avoid all the mercury in the shots"
"How can you say you're vegan but breastfeed?"
"Why aren't you using pacifiers?!"
"Are you going to teach him sign language?"
"You should only cloth diaper"
"Cloth diapers are stupid"
and on and on until I want to punch people. WHY ARE WE JUDGING EACH
OTHER SO RIDICULOUSLY ABOUT PARENTING? Listen, call me crazy, but I
think the majority of parents are doing their damnedest to do the very
best for their kids. Everyone is going to parent differently, make
different parenting choices, have different things that work well for
their kid but not another person's kid so quit judging their decisions.
We're all doing our best!
I'm vegan, you're not. Great.
I'm not judging you, don't judge me. You want your kid to drink cow's
milk, I don't. Great. No judgment. You use disposable diapers, I use
cloth. Great. You use a pacifier, I don't. Great. You want your kid to
be a specific religion, I don't care. Great. Your kid hated swings, mine
loves it. You used an Ergo, I have a Becco. You used separate car seats
and stroller, I have a travel system. GREAT! And may I add, who cares.
What works for you and your kid, works for you and your kiddo. It may
not for me or mine. Can't we all just say things like "Hey this works
for me, maybe it'll work for you" or "My little one seemed to really
respond to ______, maybe give that a shot". This is a great way to help
(if asked) without making another parent feel like you're telling them
they're doing it wrong.
I just feel like as parents
we're all so worried we're screwing it up anyway and we all feel like we
have no clue what the fuck we're doing so we all just do the best we
can. I know I personally feel that way and so I research the shit out of
everything and then go with what my gut (& of course the husband's
gut) tells me. I do what I feel is right after researching and educating
myself as much as possible. I ulcerate over even the most minor of
decisions so when someone tells me I "have to" or "should" or "need" to
do something it usually just makes me internally say things like "I'm
not an idiot", "I am going to do what I feel is best", "shut up", "do
you think I haven't thought about this or researched this extensively",
"my son HATES that", or sometimes "fuck off".
I know I
try really hard not to judge others' decisions and choices in life in
general and as a new parent I really am not judging anyone's choices
(unless you harm your child on purpose and then I judge you an awful lot
because that is fucked up) because I feel like mine are so
painstakingly wrought over I figure so is everyone's parenting choices.
Let's all just support each other a bit more, eh? I mean none of us are
perfect so none of us can be the perfect parent, so why not help each
other out to be the best parents we can be? Call me crazy but I think
that may be the best way to help our kids reach their fullest potential
and help them to see that we can all get along even if we're different.
Take care dear chickens. Know I support you!