Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Sunny With A Chance of 100 Degrees in May-AHHHH!!!

It's too hot here in L.A. It has been 90-100+ for a few weeks now and it is disgusting. I mean c'mon, it's MAY not July-October (the hottest months here). If it is this hot already I will want to die in "summer". Someone devise a way to have a personal flurry follow me around like Olaf in Frozen. Seriously, I want to be in snow all of the time. I hate being hot. I function best in 20-60 degree weather. Ahhh, it's too hot!

Okay, so here's the deal. Motherhood-awesome, amazing, loving it. Seriously, I am. Also it is hard as fuck man. Monday I was so exhausted I cried because my kid peed on me and my husband said the most obvious thing, cover up his penis, which I was wiping at the time so I got so upset I locked myself in the bathroom and cried. I'm not embarrassed about it. I was frigging tired man from the weekend of suckage that was my first mama's day. This parenthood stuff is no joke. Joe and I are realizing we're just going to be tired for forever now. That's just the way it is. We cannot schedule it out to make it easier. Trust me we are trying and it is NOT working. We're just going to be tired and slightly resent the other person who gets to sleep. That is truth right there.

But I cannot stress enough how much I love my kid. My heart could figuratively explode with all the love I feel for him. Also sometimes I want to scream from how frustrated he can make me feel. But then he'll giggle or smile with his little dimple or fall asleep on me and I melt. He's perfect to me. It's ridiculous. I am a roller coaster of emotions and I really thought that would end as the pregnancy hormones dissipated. Joke was on me. All the parent things in t.v. shows and movies, I now side with the parent and just frigging bawl. Ariel saying "I love you daddy", Teenagers being horrible to their parents, go parents for dealing with that ish. Kids hugging their mama, dying. Ri.Dic.U.Lous.

This year I can say I know at least 30 people who have had or are about to have a child. Good luck ladies. I am a mess. An amazing mess but a mess nonetheless. My house is a wreck, okay it's only a tiny one bedroom apartment not a house, and it's a wreck. Don't judge me. I'm working and tired and raising a kid and it's hard to clean your space up when all you want to do is sleep for 2000 years but there is a baby screaming to get on your boob and when he's not you just want to watch him be adorable and help him developmentally. I cannot express how many stupid books I have read, the plans for sign language, the developmental toys, the amount of cloth books I read over and over, the tummy time we are both doing so I can help this boy-o have a leg up hopefully. I'm sure none of the grand plans I have for early sign language to speaking to reading and writing will really make that much of a huge difference but I am crazy enough to think "well what if it does, I should stress myself out any way possible if it helps Finny". I'm a nut job. Also I miss hanging out with friends. Most times I want to sleep but I really would love to see people. It's hard to make an effort though. Yesterday was the day I FINALLY showered after being so disgusting for 5 days and not showering. But it was honestly just to tough to find the time or effort to clean myself. I get it, I'm gross. Whatever.

I'm honestly okay with this new found grossness and lameness most of the time. However, I get these pangs of realizing I'm a social person and desperately need to hang out with someone or get attention and thus I try a little too hard I think. It's okay, I know I'll figure it out. Currently I am desperately clinging to friends who are parents and get why I'm insane, stalking pals on Facebook, desperately texting/calling friends for contact, and trying to plan the occasional outing to save my sanity. One thing I am currently looking forward to is the 5th Annual Vegan Beer Fest this Saturday. Joe and I have never missed one and I am especially excited about this one. Granted I cannot drink like I usually do but I will eat the crap out of the food and see some pals and enjoy some great beer. It's going to be epic.

The other two things I am looking forward to: Joe walks tomorrow for his PhD after 11 years of college (3 undergrad, 3 masters, 5 PhD program)!!! SO FRIGGING EXCITED ABOUT THIS! We have a doctor in the house, well a doctor of mathematics, so that's pretty [nerdy] cool. Also Finn & I fly back to MI to introduce him to his aunts and uncles on my side. I cannot contain my excitement about my brothers and sisters meeting my little dude! It is going to be such an awesome time. I know they will love the crap out of him just like I do. Plus my ma and pops are going nuts about getting to see him again since they miss him so much. And I am going to meet up with some pals in my hometown so it's going to be a great trip. YAY! I am just a little nervous about traveling via plane with Finny solo. He'll only be 4 months so I want to be sure I am ready to go with anything he may need on the plane (e.g. boob juice, diapers, wipes, burp clothes, rattle, blanket, etc.). Hopefully the traveling part goes REALLY well. I just cannot wait!

This peek into my mind/life really reveals how frigging random and insane I am. *Sigh* Well enjoy. I am crazy, it's cool. Exhaustion just lets it creep out a little bit more than usual and I am okay with it. Judge me if you want, I'm honestly too tired and crazy to care. Now off to snuggle my giant (seriously he's HUGE: an ounce short of 16lbs. at his 3 month check up 2 weeks ago and 26.25" long). Adios chickens!


Monday, May 12, 2014

Sunny With A Chance of Mother's Day

Subtitle: How I Spent my First Mother's Day Weekend

Sometimes you spend your first Mother's Day eve working your job on your day off, come home take care of your sick feverish husband and your extra cranky three month old, cry twice, do 6 sinkfuls of dishes, dry and put away all the dishes, clean the bathroom, take out two bags of trash and two arm loads of recycling, then realize you've stayed up until 4am, and the entire time you were breast feeding about every 2 hours. Good times.

I've come to realize any holiday or event that revolves around me is pretty much always a bust. I have horrible luck with birthday celebrations (friends find it easy to ditch, forget, or be too busy), this last bday was great as I had my baby shower but Joe was in a foul mood and kinda wrecked everything but the shower so thank goodness for the ladies who have me a great few hours that day-they're the best. Seriously though, parties or celebrations for me tend to go to crap quite fast and Joe admittedly sucks at remembering dates and never does presents or makes any kind of to-do about those events which usually I don't care (minus bdays, they're a big deal damn it!) but I had hopes, okay expectations, that this very first Mother's Day (the only first one I get) would be amazingly wonderful. It would consist of me sleeping in until 9am before having to be my child's dairy service, receiving breakfast in bed (French toast and vegan breakfast sausages please with o.j. and tea), staying in my pjs, getting a lovely card with a note from Joe about how happy he is I'm the mother of his child, a little trinket with Finny's initial or birth date on it, flowers, a call to my mom to wish her a great day, a call to my grandma to do the same, some mom movies that would make me tear up, a nice dinner with a dessert, then snuggles and sleep. Instead I have a super sick husband which means I get nothing for my first mom's day and there will be no make me feel special stuff as he needs to rest and get better, it also means that the week's worth of dishes and laundry are on me and need to be done tomorrow as it became my only day off since I worked Monday through Saturday this week, plus caring for the boy-o and the two pups and taking care of Joe. Huzzah what a wondrous day. Can I have a do over?

My actual Mother's Day day was me waking up 8am, feeding little boy-o and then spending the rest of the day doing laundry, taking care of baby & husband, walking the dogs, folding laundry & putting it away, and then being in major hip/back pain from lifting all that laundry all over our apartment complex and doing 6 sinks of dishes. My body is so jacked up. I did receive beautiful pink tulips from my folks though and got some lovely messages from friends & family. But still first mama's day was a BUST.

I guess I must be a real mama now because this day that was supposed to be about celebrating me pushing a two foot and twelve pound baby out but it became about me mom-ing the crap out of everyone in my household. It's for realz now suckers. *sigh* I guess I did learn the true meaning of mother's day this year, last year I was pregnant (only just) and it wasn't really real to me; this year I spent the weekend doing things that moms do-taking care of everything. I get it now. Being a mom isn't always glamorous, okay 99% of the time it's not but it is so worth it and rewarding. These 4 dudes all rely on me and love me. That's pretty awesome if you think about it. I am hurting though physically, oof. Need to work this broken body back into pre-pregnancy and pre-surgery shape. Time to call a physical therapist and hit the pool at my gym ASAP.

All I know is Joe better not expect much for Father's Day. Oh who am I kidding, I'll Leslie Knope the shit out of that day because that's the kind of wife and mom I am. Dammit. There's always next year right?

I won't hold my breath. Whining over now. Happy Mother's Day fellow moms, we fecking deserve it.