So here's the deal...

I'm a little down in the dumps about cash right now. I'm so super broke and going into debt due to all the business with my back. My parents are helping me out so much but I feel so financially constricted right now it's stressing me out big time. Is it wrong to wish for a sugar daddy to make it all better? Because I really do. But I want him to look like this:


not this:


I just feel like I need a bit of magic to help me here. Like a fairy godmother could come and make me get an amazingly well paid acting gig where I can get picked up by a fabulous agent and manager and then get famous and rich and be super talented awesome and win my Oscar. Is that really too much to ask?

I don't think it is.

I don't know what else I can do but try to let it not get me down. But it's just worrisome. I'm doing alright otherwise. I'm just longing to be able to travel to Europe this summer. My sister and I are trying to plan an amazing trip and I need to save money for it BUT with all the aforementioned not having it it's kinda stressing me even more because I am dying to go on this trip. We wanna do 2 weeks here:


and 2 weeks here:


How sweet would that be, right? I'm just going to keep plugging away. I just need to get more determined about getting myself an agent and getting my shit together. That way one day I will be able to pay off all my debt, pay back my parents, buy my castle in Ireland, save a million stray puppies, fund every charity ever, travel everywhere ever, eat delicious food and drink delicious spirits, and win me one of these bad boys:


One day...One day...

My newest obsession...

www.kingstonlounge.blogspot.com

Go there. Do it. Gorgeous photography. It sort of ties into my obsession of taking black and white photographs of buildings/houses/barns that are falling apart and wanting to learn how to develop them myself. *le sigh* One day I will. One day I will have my own dark room and develop my own prints. My only complaint of the blog is that of the grammar nazi I am and that is that there are (quite frequently) spelling/grammar mistakes, but I ignore them because the photos and stories are too interesting to me. So checkity-check it out!

"Beauty soap doesn't bubble!"

You know what? I think Clark Gable is the best medecine for a shitty weekend.



All I have to do is watch one of his movies (or even when I'm reading "Gone With The Wind" & "Scarlett")and he just puts me in a much better mood. What a fantastic all around man. Something about him. A certain je ne sais quoi.

This weekend has been a crappy crap shoot. I've basically been yelled at all weekend from both work establishments. Not by my bosses but by someone who wants/needs something from them. It's just exhausting being on your feet for hours, or running around for hours, or whatever-then have people rude, curt, bitchy, and just all around ass-hole-ish to you for hours. Ugh! I'm glad it's all done.

Also after being sick for 2 weeks my mom made me cave and just buy ge damn $90 antibiotics supposed to help get me well. Well let me tell you if they don't I'll be pissed off for sure. I mean $90 for 7 pills?! Ridiculous!

Not to stick in the bad mood, the good news from the weekend is that Mad Hatter March Hair creations has sold another hat! YAY! Check us out on Facebook and buy one. :D

Hope this week goes well for me and all of you, it seems everyone has been a bit off but hopefully this week will turn it around.

"Lord I was born a ramblin' man..."

Today is a potato kind of day. Seriously. Don't warm potato foods sound great on chilly, grey, fall-ish days? I'm wearing my velvety sweat pants and a beater and I want potato! Maybe it's the Irish/Polish poking out...

I'm a little freaked out by all the people I know that are engaged, getting married, married, pregnant, or just delivered a baby. I mean I'm only 24 and it freaks me out to think of myself in those situations. Is that wrong? Should I want those things? I just don't feel anywhere near ready for that stuff. I've been with Joe for almost 4 years now and that all still freaks me out. I mean don't get me wrong, I'm really happy for all my friends but for me just thinking about all that stuff gives me the willies. Maybe that's because I'm "an 8 year old boy" as my friend put it. I guess I'd just rather watch movies where shit blows up or girls turn into fairy princesses and play pretend than have all that grown-up stuff going on. I just don't think I'm ready for the responsibility yet.

Also I'm really missing fall right now. My little Michigan heart knows it's supposed to be chilly and full of fall foliage and what do I get out here in Cali? Mostly sun and hot and green leaves. Today was a little fall-ish and my heart felt like it would burst with excitement! I love fall, I'm glad to be visiting home in October so I can get a little bit of it and get to go to the cider mill and just enjoy wearing jeans and a sweatshirt! Ahh, how delightful.

I'm super missing a lot of my NYC friends right now. I wish I had money to afford a trip out there but I am SO broke ass right now. I have about $200 in my bank account and $600 on my credit card for medical stuff and my plane ticket home. Blah! I hate money, mostly because I never seem to have any. Ha! What can you do? I guess I'll just have to keep calling all of them and trying to stay connected that way since I can't go visit them. Boo!

I'm really missing a lot of people right now actually. Friends in NYC, MI, and Chicago. Also my family. And actually I am starting to want to reconnect with a lot of people again. Family members that have been absent for over a decade, friends that screwed me over, people I may have been shitty to due to immaturity. Is it weird that I want to capture the past and make it new/better? I dunno. I guess I'm in that place right now. We'll see where it takes me.

I've been working a lot and doing physical therapy/acupuncture a lot and am seeing results. I'm so tired from work all the time but my body is so much stronger and less pained. It's this weird combo. I've been craving more going out time though and wanting to get into trouble when I do go out. Which is bad. So I guess it's good that I'm broke because when I get like this I tend to destroy things/relationships. This way I am forced to behave a little. haha.

My hat/hair piece business is on slight hold right now but I really want to get on the ball about it so we can sell some amazing pieces and make some money. I love that people love them. I want it to spread like wild-fire. I also want to get my acting career going already. My boss (who is a successful actor, see him the Final Destination movie that just came out) says that all the stuff I'm doing is on track, that's how he started, etc. But I am too impatient to wait, I want it to get off the ground now and in a big way. I suppose I will have to learn a little patience.

I suppose that's about it for now. More to come, as always...

just thinking...

I saw two monarchs lazily and crazily chasing each other today
it made me miss that sort of lifestyle
that lifestyle of childhood
where you crazily chased around in earnest for hours
then slept lazily on the hammock for a few
only to run amuck once more until dark or dinner, whichever came first.

I saw two monarchs flitting about in patterns today
it made me wish I wasn't heading into work
carrying three heavy bags on my shoulders
trying to walk and stand correctly
remembering all the doctors and physical therapist have told me
wishing to dance and flit about as I please with no care for what the effects might be.

I saw two monarchs rise with the wind and glide with ease
it made me want to be freeof all responsibilities
feeling like you belong to a job or a chore or an errand
pretending to care about things you do just to get by
wanting to sink my toes in sand or swim a lake or climb a mountain or walk in a field of flowers.

I saw two monarchs todayand it made me think
why don't I do all those things anyway
play and chase and nap and climb and swim and dance
and I've got a feeling that I'm tired of putting everything else first
I'm going to let my inner child have a bit more fun and live their dreams, even if that means looking like a weirdo staring at two butterflies flying around a telephone pole.