Partly Sunny With A Chance of Punching People in the Throat

I would have to say my two biggest pregnancy pet peeves are the following:

1.) When you touch and/or grope my stomach without permission. I really don't care how well we know each other, ASK. Ask EVERY time. I cannot emphasize this enough. ASK EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU WANT TO TOUCH OR RUB OR MOLEST MY STOMACH. I am not big on being touched normally, especially on my stomach. Just because it's bigger and contains a person definitely does not allow you to invade my personal space without permission. It is NOT okay. Seriously NOT okay. In fact it bugs me even more because that is my child, I am vulnerable right now and so is he. NO TOUCHING. Make eye contact with me, ask, usually I will say yes unless I am REALLY not in the mood for it. I understand it's cool and interesting and you want to know, so I seriously almost always say yes. BUT FUCKING ASK ME. Otherwise no matter how much I know or like or even love you, I may punch you in your throat. Or grab your stomach. Or touch your boob or penis. That's how it feels to me. It feels like a violation if there is no permission. So just ask. Please.

2.) Hearing about how huge I am or how huge my belly is or huge some other body part of mine is. I get it, it is pretty big. I am carrying an almost 10lb. child. I know how big I am. I am also very self conscious about how big I am. There are days I feel gorgeous, honestly. There are also days where I feel disgustingly huge and covered in stretch marks and gross. So to hear you say "You're huge!" "Look at how big your ankles are!" "You have sausage toes right now!" "That belly is going to explode/pop/burst!" makes me want to punch you in your stupid face. Seriously. When is it acceptable to EVER say those things to anyone? So just because I'm pregnant you get a free ride to be rude? I don't think so. I had an ass-clown at Trader Joe's ask me yesterday if I was having twins because his sister did and she was HUGE (complete with a hand gesture to show how huge she was).  I'm not kidding when I say I wanted to pummel this guy. How rude can you be?! How stupid?! You're an ass-hat! I should have asked if he was getting braces since his teeth were so fucked up and 4 years of braces made my teeth perfect. It is not okay to say shit like that. NOT OKAY. Say it in your head but do not say it to an overly emotional and vulnerable pregnant woman who no doubt has already said horrible shit to herself in a bad self-esteem moment. Don't be a dick.

I know I sound like a see you next Tuesday a little but seriously, have people lost their common sense? In a normal situation it isn't okay to just grab, touch, grope, rub, or molest someone so don't do it when they're pregnant. In a normal situation it isn't okay to comment about how huge someone's anatomy is-it's really rude in fact. So don't do it when that person in pregnant. Use the common sense you have, please. I don't think it's that hard. And if it is that hard for you just be prepared that if you do that to me I may just punch you in your throat and/or face and say something horrible to you in return. That might just happen.


Other than those two things driving me nuts things are good. Just getting impatient to meet my Lil' Dude. He doesn't seem to be wanting to exit any time soon. I saw my delivery OB today who after fisting me told me that my cervix is still closed but has softened to about 50-60% effaced. She is still pushing for induction and I am still fighting that with all my mama might. If I dilate at all by my appointment Thursday she'll strip my membranes which is a natural (and super painful) way to try to kick-start labor. Good times. As of right now it just seems like Lil' Dude is content in there so I am trying to be patient with him. Although he has to know I am way more stubborn than he is so if we're doing a battle of the wills I will win. I have 29 more years experience of being bull-headed and stubborn so he's in for it. Until them I keep eating spicy foods twice a day, walking a lot, having "date night" with my husband, eating mango & pineapple, nipple stimulation, rubbing oils on my hoo-ha, and bouncing on my exercise ball to try to get this little giant out. We'll see if it takes! Until then everything is ready to go & Joe and I made 7 dozen pierogi and 4 pans of golabki for our freezer to have for meals after baby arrives. We are prepared! :D

Hope all is well with you dear Chickens!


 

Sunny With A Chance of ANother Letter

To My Son,

Oh my gosh, you're almost here! We're at 39 weeks and 2 days which means you literally can come any moment now. You're Dada and I are so excited to meet you buddy! I just wanted to say some things before you get here to remember these last fleeting moments with you so close to my heart.

First, I love you so much Lil' Dude. I cannot stress that enough. I am so excited to hold you in my arms but I know I will miss our time with you in my belly. You're so close and I can rub and pat and talk to you all the time. You must know how much I love you bud, I say it all the time. Plus in there you're getting to hear my heart so I know you know how it beats for you. Goodness sakes this household loves you. Mama, Dada, Colonel Mustard & Zebbie too. These 3 guys have been snuggling you and Mama extra hard, they can't wait to meet you either! Just know you are going to be surrounded with so much love.

Second, your extended family cannot wait to meet you either! Papa/Djadja & Gamma/Buscia are coming out in February just to meet you little man.  We're going to let you pick what you call them but just know they're so excited to meet you and love you so much already. The rest of the family (on both sides) can't wait until Spring when we bring you back to Michigan to introduce you to everyone. Get ready to be smothered in snuggles and kisses little one!

Third all your honorary "aunts" and "uncles" or Mama & Dada's pals also cannot wait to meet you! Everyone is busting at the seams to know when you're going to arrive. Not just here in L.A. but in Chicago, Michigan, and New York too. You're going to be welcomed into this world with so much love little one. You are already so loved and anticipated, I know you can feel that.

We just want you to arrive when you're ready, come out healthy and strong, and to be ready to be loved on by so many folks. You're a lucky little man to be so wanted and loved already pal. We're prepping extra hard to make sure everything is nice and clean and cozy for your home-coming and we've taken all the classes, prepped our hospital bags, set-up & cleaned all the stuff we have for you, are constantly cleaning the apartment, are set up our cloth diaper service to properly guard your little tush and kielbasa from wet & dirty stuffs, and are preparing meals to freeze so we can not have the bother of needing to cook a bunch once you get here. We're just so excited buddy! All this prep just keeps reminding us that you will arrive any day now!

We're trying extra hard to get your puppy brothers ready to meet you. They're extra snuggly right now and we expect a little jealousy to happen but we know they will love you so much. I think Colonel is going to think you're his baby and though Zebbie can be tentative with some kiddos I think he will take to you like he did to your cousin Staszie. They already love all your swag and will want to play with you (and all your toys) tons. We're going to have such a fun time with all three of you, I just know it.

Buddy, I just want to remind you of our agreements and to promise to you again all of these things. I want you to know that I love you first and foremost and that I will try my damnedest to provide you with all the love and guidance you need. You just get ready little guy, this is going to be pretty epic. And even when you hate me, you just remember that I love you. That I have loved you this whole time and will always love you. You just remember that I suffered through 24/7 punches and kicks from you ya big giant because I love you. No matter what you are perfect to me. Dad and I love you SO much. Just finish baking in there and come out soon. So many of us want to meet you and love you!

 I love you Lil' Dude, with all my heart.
*Mama*

 

Sunny With A Chance of 2014!

Well hello Dear Chickens and welcome to this glorious New Year! Am I right?

Ours started off with such an amazing surprise-we got to go to the Rose Bowl! Due to the amazing generosity of a Spartan alumni family I helped set-up a birthday party for at the restaurant I work at on a day we were closed this family offered Joe & I two free tickets to The Rose Bowl to see our Spartans triumph against Stanford. It was the MOST amazing day and such a once in a lifetime opportunity for us. We sat in the 4th row on the 45 Yard Line. I was maybe ten steps from the field. I was behind the Spartan bench, could see every play in front of me (no need for the big screen or binoculars), the band played right to us, we met Rich Homie Quan (he's apparently a big rapper, I'm too old to know who this was I guess), and we sat in front of the President of the university and the Board of Trustees-it was CRAZY & PHENOMENAL. I cannot stress how amazing this all was and how thankful we were and are to have been there. It was such a great start to our year!

Such an awesome and amazing and perfect day! 2014 is continuing to be pretty glorious as our Lil' Dude is going to be here soon. We've packed our hospital bags, installed our car seat, have the apartment pretty much set-up for him, are making meals to freeze for postpartum, ordered the breast pump through the insurance, are doing our diaper service set-up & demo tomorrow, have someone on-call to watch our beloved pups, and are just waiting for our guy to arrive! We had a bit of drama with the insurances switching but my new insurance through Blue Shield & Covered CA has agreed to cover Cedars Sinai for me which is where I am set to deliver so that was a HUGE load off of us. Now we're just waiting for Lil' Dude to want some more space and come out to meet us!

My sketch show also opened which is very exciting. We are playing every Monday night at 7pm until the end of February at The Second City Hollywood. Tickets are $10 ($1 for current Second City students, Free for those in the Industry with a business card). Check us out if you are in L.A. the eight of us in the show wrote it, produced it, and are starring in it. Me, My Selfie, & I is such fun and I am so excited for this final capstone on my Conservatory Program at Second City. Please come see me be a dork on stage!

So far that's what's been happening this month. Pretty great kick-off to 2014. Cannot wait for all that this year has in store & cannot wait to meet our Lil' Dude soon! Take care dearest Chickens.