Friday, August 2, 2013

Cloudy With A Chance of Crazy Alex

I'm a little all over the place. Here's an email I wrote to my pal:

"Yeah, it has been a year of crazy that is for sure. I feel like every time I start to feel like I'm getting my head above water Life pushes me back down. Good thing I'm a strong swimmer. Fucking-Ay it's been a tough damn year. I am pissy and crying and happy and crazed and exhausted at any moment. It all feels like an overwhelming whirlwind and I am just trying to keep swimming. I know it'll all work out the way it's going to and I'll deal it just feels like a ton of shit all at once all the time. Blerg.
In other news google ads keeps posting for plumbers and toilet paper next to this email thread because I've said shit so many times, haha. It's the little things that make me smile. I made Joe dance in our living room with me while I cried to "Hey-ho" by The Lumineers.  I feel like I could drink an entire liter of bourbon and it wouldn't make me feel better, I won't, but I feel like I could. Instead I watched A Goofy Movie, ate strawberry coconut milk ice cream from Trader Joe's, and have been non-stop singing Tevin Campbell's songs from the Goofy Movie soundtrack. I am all over the place today. Whatever.
Sigh. Lots of sighs really. I love our baby no matter what, I just wish it was all easier and everything was going well & healthily & "perfect". Life won't give me a challenge I can make it through though, I am determined. I feel very raw and tender and ferocious right now. That seems like a weird combo but *shrug* what're you gonna do but feel it right?
Love you friend. Loads and loads."

That seems to explain it pretty well for me right now. I am a mess and all over the damn place. One minute I know all will be well no matter what, the next I am crying and scared, the next I am numb. So I am just listening to these songs right now, they too are all over the place:


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