"One of these days you people are gonna have to explain your rating system to me..."

So I FINALLY get my MRI tomorrow. Hopefully this will clear things up. I am so tired of this crap. I just wanna start treating it.

Other than that, life is okay. Looking for a job that will allow me to sit down and not have to carry heavy trays-it sucks cuz I lose my flexibility of schedule but what can you do? Health is number one right?

I'm still trying with vigor to get representation. I am also submitting myself to a lot of work and hopefully something will come from that.

My friends and I might open up a business, things are still being ironed out but we have an amazing idea that could really make us money. We shall see...

Hopefully the clouds will open up and 2009 will stop its giant suck-fest. :D

Hope all is well with everyone.
*Alex*

"Until the barley has drunk up all the liquid and the lamb has crumbled from exhaustion..."

I got some not so great news on the old back front today. The x-ray shows I have minor disc height loss on my L5 disc in the lumbar region. And my blood work shows that I have general arthritic inflammation and my tri-glycerides are a little high.

So what does that mean?

1) They may have missed something in my original injury and that my disc has been compressing on itself for 4 years now.

2) Arthritis might be making my back even worse and maybe even my body in general more stiff and achey.

3) No fried foods ever for me again. I have pretty much cut them out but this means for real never ever. Not even just the once in awhile I do now.

So now I get to do an MRI to see what is really going on to cause this height loss and arthritis. But I just feel like this is such total bullshit. And now I really need to think about getting a desk job and stop serving. So I can get health benefits and so I can take it easy on my back I am really thinking about doing this but it really freaks me out because that leaves my schedule so rigid and prevents doing auditions/etc that I want to do for the career I actually want. This just fucking sucks and I've been on such a "being positive/optimistic" kick that this is really bumming me out and I am trying to choose to see this as "an optimistic opportunity" but I am so down.

It just sucks major donkey dick.
Fuck beans.

I think I just need to feel poopy about it tonight and then I am gonna choose to be positive again. I have to. Otherwise this is really gonna start to depress me.

11 pounds...

Losing this weight is much harder than I thought it would be...



I'm down 11 lbs. and 1.5 in. on my waist but I'm still hoping to lose more. We'll see if I can keep plugging along.

"I made a new house for him out of an old pasta box..."

So my back went out again.
Not awesome.
Last night.
I went on my ball to try to stretch and relax.
I used heat.
I woke up feeling worse.
I called the insurance company.
The recommended an 'osteopathic spinal specialist'.
Turned out it was a Chiropractor.
They made me feel worse.
I left crying.
I went to the ER.
I got a valium shot for the pain.
I need to see an internal medicine specialist.
It could be an aggravation of my first back strain from 4 years ago.
I might need physical therapy again if it's that.
If it's worse I might need surgery.
I'm just so annoyed this happened again.
I mean it flared up at Christmas but I am just not wanting to go through this shit again.
I'm so annoyed.
And I'm really pissed at that chiropractor for making me feel worse.
What a joke that office and those 'doctors' were.
I know some people love them but it made me feel like I wanted to die.
Jerks.
The ER gave me prescriptions for inflammation and spasms and pain.
I feel really loopy but better.
I'm just uncomfortable and icing my back and am annoyed.
I'm bed ridden for the weekend.
I have been ordered to take off work until Monday.
I hate being stuck in bed-I mean I love being in bed but not when I don't get the choice-like when I'm sick or injured like this.
Whatever.
I don't want to whine or be depressed about this but I'm just so mad.
At 24 I do not want to feel like I'm 94.
*Sigh*
Okay, I will be positive about this.
Maybe it will just be PT and I will restrengthen my back and core muscles.
I will not let this ruin my life or summer or work, etc.
*Deep Breath*
Okay, I feel better now that it's all off my chest.
ahhh.

Hope all is well with all y'all.
xoxox
*me*

YAY-10 pounds!

We're no strangers to love, you know the rules and so do I...

Losing weight baby!

So I'm in a play and rehearsing every night for that, working everyday to save mega money for all these plane tickets, a bridesmaid dress, a tattoo, a puppy, a computer, etc. I have been so busy and I am crazy tired but happy. Gotta love doing what you want. I just gotta keep trucking and saving my cheddar.

Oh and I am crazy obsessed with 80's music videos on youtube such as Rick Astley's from my title there-genius!

1 2 3 4 tell me that you love me more...

so it has been a rough year, but I'm picking myself up and dusting myself off and starting it over again on April 1st. DEAL WITH THAT 2009! YOU CAN'T HA!

no we're having a party to celebrate the new new year that day. and i'm feeling better about life, despite being sick (AGAIN). it's all good. I AM GOING TO BE POSITIVE-even if it makes me sick to play the susie sunshine.

so basically, i'm being happy, i'm working a lot, i'm making not much money, i've been asked to be on LA INK, i'm trying to make a lot of money, i need a computer, i want a puppy, i'm sick, i'm going to class, i'm submitting for auditions. we'll see how it all goes...

hope all is well with y'all.take care.
xoxox
*Ace*